When I was in first grade, trading stickers was a big deal.
I had a sticker book, which was this folder with pages of plastic that you’d stick the stickers on so you could see them and also still be able to peel them off to trade them for other stickers.
When I started I didn’t really know that much about how the whole thing worked.
My mom bought me two packs of stickers to start me off.
One set was really awesome. We bought them when we went on a family camping trip down to Florida. They were puffy (meaning they weren’t flat) and changed colors when you tipped them back and forth AND they had googly eyes meaning the eyes moved when you tipped the sticker.
I didn’t really know the value of what I had but the other kids sure did. Boy, EVERYONE wanted those stickers.
I made a series of what I later discovered were pretty poor trades, because I didn’t know what I was doing, and soon I was left with only 3 stickers I really loved that I didn’t want to part with.
My best friend at the time asked me if she could have two of them for two of hers. I didn’t really like hers that much and I LOVED mine, but I didn’t want to be mean so I agreed. I immediately regretted it as soon as I made the trade and saw my little book with only one, solitary awesome puffy sticker left 🙁
But for whatever reason, I had thought that I had to say yes in order to be nice.
For so many of us, it’s amazing what we’ll give up/do/say yes to – all because we’re afraid of not being nice.
In this week’s episode (#120) Tia and I talk about the Danger Of Being Nice — what happens to us emotionally as well as on spirit level when we’re too nice, and the absolutely critical difference between kindness and niceness.
The GFC (Group Frequency Calibration®) at the end will help begin to release the distortion patterns that cause us to be “nice” even when it’s detrimental to us.
If we don’t release these distortion patterns, we tend to be taken advantage of or can fester in resentment because we feel something is extracted from us when we don’t really want to give it.
Here’s to being clear on how to be kind without sacrificing self!
Let’s rise together!
Karen
SUMMARY:
- There’s nothing wrong with niceness in and of itself, but it can become dangerous when it distorts — which can happen if we’re not okay with others thinking we’re not nice, if we feel uncomfortable with others’ discomfort, or we’re running rulesets that require niceness. So we self-sacrifice, negate self, or allow abuse from others.
- The first step is to recognize your patterns. Have awareness of when you’re allowing niceness to come at a personal cost. People pleasers often elevate others above themselves, have patterns of low self-worth, and allow abuse and control from others. During interactions with others, recognize when you might be letting others latch in and deplete you.
- The second step is to hold your space. Be aware of your spirit body and the space inside it. This space is yours alone, and not for others to encroach on. If holding firm boundaries feels rude or mean, this likely means that you have more distortion patterns to release. It’s difficult to embody awareness and make shifts unless you release these distortion patterns, and the GFC helps you do that.
- Recognize that you’re as valuable as any other person you’re interacting with. Just because someone wants something from you, you don’t have to give it. Similarly, just because someone wants to give you something, you don’t have to take it. You can be gracious and kind without sacrificing self.
- If holding your space feels mean, know that your strength when holding your space is actually helping others from a higher level. The stronger you are, the more positively you can impact and empower others.
- It may be useful to recognize a distinction between kindness and niceness. Kindness does not require self-sacrifice, though self-sacrificing behavior is often still considered nice. Noticing the impact on you helps to distinguish between “nice” as kindness and “nice” as self-sacrifice.
- Increasing your awareness and holding firm boundaries may reveal related distortion patterns, such as fear of loss. You may feel compelled to clear this next. The layers of distortion can be deep, but when you begin the process of clearing, start to truly recognize your own value, and come into your own power, the ripple effect into the Oneness is huge.